just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
