I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
