I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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