just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
