I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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