She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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