its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Two words: blizzard sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
