i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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