Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
