just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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