I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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