Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
