All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just google imaged poop.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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