Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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