Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
