WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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