Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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