Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Alive.
So much puke
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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