so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
