I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
