it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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