I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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