if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You need Xanax blowdarts
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
