If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
