Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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