He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize