I think scott just propositioned me for sex
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
