Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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