Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
