walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
