only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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