I smell stomach acid.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
