We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
