The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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