Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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