how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
