Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
