see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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