We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
