I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
