how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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