who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
