why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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