Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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(602): View more from Arizona

Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???

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(555): View more from

Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms

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(765): View more from Indiana

I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I wish there were birth control emojis

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(772): View more from Florida

its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves

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(870): View more from Arkansas

God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.

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