It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
