we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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