The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
