I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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