That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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