Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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