rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I pour the whiskey from now on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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