This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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