you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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