dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
