i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
