I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
