i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
