super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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